Oh shit, what the hell did I just do… I got your attention– job halfway done. So you’re probably wondering what this is about, because people nosey– spoiler alert– I’m not gay. I know, very misleading title (marketing genius), but keep reading, let me enlighten you because I can assure you my insecure, immature, non-seeking new knowledge people (men and women) have already clocked out– sadly, this is for them.
Play- So I have a few friends that are a part of the LGBT community and over the years I’ve noticed how a few of them have transitioned from being very reserved about how they might be viewed– to embracing who they are and truly enjoying life. Sadly, there are some who are still tip-toeing around society and opening up to only their most inner trust circles of friends and family. That got me to thinking, what if a straight guy posted something titled “I’m Gay”– giving his perspective and what he’s seen.
Rewind- So I grew up in a two-parent household, with my mother and father– and I’ve adored women long before the father-son talk ever came up. I attended church regularly and over the years heard my share of sermons condemning homosexuality. I’ve even witnessed how the church has driven people out. However, it wasn’t until middle school that I encountered someone who wasn’t heterosexual. It was a guy who played in the band and over a long school break he came back “different”. He went from an average guy– to experimenting with makeup and sporting other accessories– figuring out who he was. I didn’t bully or pick on the guy, but our interaction was at a minimum– nonexistent– though I observed other kids picking on him.
Fast forward- I’m in high school now and there are definitely some flamboyant guys, lesbians and is she bi– lol. I assume the women got shunned to some degree by other girls, but not by us guys– I wonder why. The straight guys didn’t really associate with those not a part of our community and definitely cracked jokes from time to time, and used sayings in reference to things we thought were gay topics. We a say things like “no homo” or “pause”. This trend continued into college and even afterward.
College- Something interesting happened in college though. I had a friend who decided to share her secret with me and a few other friends via text one day. Unlike chicks from high school that had already been placed in the lesbo category, this friend hadn’t fully come out. I remember receiving the message and thinking to myself, “wow that took courage” and feeling happy that she felt comfortable confiding that information with me. I don’t remember my exact response, but I knew that regardless of her sexual preference it didn’t change who she was or what type of friend she had been or would be in the future.
Fast Forward- So I pledged a fraternity too and let’s just say some (a lot) of the bruhs can be assholes. “Association breeds similarity“. I’ve seen the bruhs (myself included) not pick qualified candidates because they (we) thought they might not be straight– just being honest. The majority rules and given the level of maturity college guys have it’s probably for the best, though it still doesn’t make it right. I saw other fraternities do the same too– I peep shit. Still, there are those who through family or school affiliation, great acting skills or actually receiving enough votes– find their way in. These guys usually do more work within the organization than some of these so-called macho men who don’t want them in– but this ain’t about the 30% (insider).
Life After College – I just started my first job in Alpharetta, GA and amongst the 32 people in my training program, are a few members of the LGBT community. Unlike the African Americans whom I’ve known up to this point, whether through friendship, association or just knowing who’s who– these white guys at work– definitely don’t give a fuck. Shoutout to my boy Matt lol. Being in a 9-month training program with only 32 people, we developed a tight-knit community given the group work and close proximity of everyone’s desks. We were mostly college graduates and seeing that a lot of people weren’t from the region, everyone hung out periodically, in addition to the team bonding events HP provided– so everyone became friends.
Observations- Over the past few years I’ve been able to observe people whom everyone may have suspected was gay go from being reserved in certain settings– to accepting who they were and not caring who knew. While social media isn’t for everyone, I’ve also been able to see people whom I’m friends with on these platforms go from posting “select” pictures– to sharing pics of their significant other, or group of friends who are obviously gay. Would you believe that aside from their sexual preference, we share a lot of similar interests– mind blowing isn’t it. It’s funny, and somewhat concerning because I have guy friends who for whatever reason are still insecure or feel some type of way about being cool with another guy that is gay or bi– no problem with lesbians though. I mean I get it, you don’t want to be put in an awkward situation or feel uncomfortable– work on the insecurity bruh. This got me to thinking, what if I was gay– would they disown me, stop being my friend, switch up– people do that. Real friends wouldn’t do any of that.
Rewind- Lol so check this out, I got my ears pierced when I was a freshman in college and my pops told me “men that get they ears pierced are sissies”. Being comfortable with my sexuality, I asked him, “do you think I’m a sissy” just to rile him up– because I didn’t care and I knew that just because he thought something didn’t make it true. People have to get out of their feelings about what other people choose to do with their lives– unless it directly impacts you, I’m talking hazardous to your health or your state of living– drop it. People are so hypocritical and petty over lil shit when it doesn’t even apply to they life.
Convo With the Parentals- Lol a funny conversation me and my pops have from time to time which differs from the response I get from my mom is-
Me- “If I shoot somebody, who’s going to jail”
Me- “Who’s still going to be free and living life?”
Dad – “I am”
My mom on the other hands says “I just don’t want you to shoot anybody” — which I’m not for clarification nor do I even own a gun– but the point is that she’s worried about what I do with my life. She has reason to be, but ultimately, what I do doesn’t dictate what she does– my father gets this though lol. What people choose to do with their lives is on them. If you can’t handle that, cool don’t deal with them, but if you do, don’t try and change people. Regardless of my personal preference for women, that doesn’t give me a right to make my friends who don’t share my same sentiments or women who do, feel bad or out of place.
Conclusion- In closing, I want to say that I cherish the friendships I have with each of my friends, whether straight or gay– and as I told one of my aunts what I was proposing to write– I felt a stronger conviction to post this. Especially given her strongly stated opinion and how she told me people within the LGBT community should speak up for themselves. In saying that she helped prove one of the points I wanted to make, which is that we are very much divided. The purpose of me writing this is not to say that I agree or disagree with what people do with their lives– but to accept people as humans, instead of a *derogatory term she used* and to isolate ourselves from them. Also, how many straight black men got the courage to speak on a subject like this?
Other Reasons Behind Writing This
- Society (us) has a way of putting down people who don’t fit into our outlook of life and what we believe others should be.
- Whether it’s LGBT rights, Women rights, Minority Rights, Environmental rights, etc., we all want people to rally behind us and what we feel are wrongdoings against us, but do we do the same for others?
- I have friends/family that are a part of the LGBT community and aside from their sexual preferences, there aren’t any definitive reasons why we couldn’t be friends.
- We like to eat good food, watch entertaining shows and movies, laugh, travel, and so much more. Cool secret too– if you’re a guy and have gay friends whether male or females– there will always be females around a majority of the time. I think the opposite applies for females too.
- Male masculinity is fragile… one more time for the people in the back… MALE MASCULINITY IS FRAGILE. There are some women with femininity issues too.
- So two weeks ago the social media talk of the week was the romphim and my macho men friends were quick to point out how they wouldn’t be caught in one and made derogatory remarks in regards to any male that would. I understand everything ain’t for everybody, but still– your insecurities aren’t everyone else’s.
- Also, some men act like having a gay friend will make them gay… like the gay just rubs off on them. I don’t think it works like that. What another person does with their life doesn’t dictate what you choose to do with yours.
- Hypocritical Folks
- So I won’t really dive too deep into religious hypocrites aside from saying– regardless of your religious background– if your faith tells you to shun homosexual people… please tell me what it also says about loving other people and judging others.
- Lastly, I’m comfortable with my sexuality. Being a heterosexual man with the mindset I’ve developed– I’ve learned that almost everything we fear is because we lack understanding and knowledge. I’m not asking anyone to go out and make new friends that don’t share the same taste of people like you, but if through association you do meet someone– at least have an open mind, instead of shunning and talking down on people.
Regardless of whether you agree with someone’s else lifestyle, I hope this causes you to gain a new perspective and greater tolerance in relations to dealing with people.